“The Coming Out Party Is Over. Where Do We Go from Here?”

“The Coming Out Party Is Over. Where Do We Go from Here?”

Mona Rae Mason
Keynote Address
Fantasia Fair
October 24, 2009
Provincetown, MA

For Loubriella

Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Mona Rae Mason. Just so you have an idea of my background, I’m from New York City, where I recently completed work on an NIH funded study of the male to female population in the NY Metro area. It was a 5 year, longitudinal study, with almost 600 volunteer transgender participants. That’s a huge number for this type of study, and The Transgender Project to date stands as the most in-depth and complex study of it’s kind.

600 transwomen. Not an easy task recruiting 600 transgender volunteers—just think of how much trouble it is getting any two or three girls to agree on what club to go to, or what time, or what to wear and you’ll have an idea. It was much akin to herding cats! But we got it done, and collected some really incredible data about our community. And it was the most personally rewarding work I have ever done.

I’m also on the Bd. of Dir. of Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund, and participate as often as possible on various committees of Transgender Health Initiative New York. I am also on the Community Advisory Board of Callen-Lorde Community Clinic, which is the LGBT health clinic in NYC.

Last year I was invited by the NYPD to help in the re-writing of the training manual for the NYPD Police Academy on matters pertaining to transgender. A major step by the NYPD in transgender awareness and sensitivity training, and I am very proud to have been asked to participate in that effort.

And as my pet project and labor of love, I’ve also organized several food and clothing drives to benefit homeless transgender kids in NYC. It’s something that I am extremely concerned about.

And just for the record—I am not gender dysphoric, I am gender euphoric. And I do not have a gender identity disorder. Society has a gender identity disorder!

Ok, enough about me. I came here talk about all of us—me, all our sisters and brothers, and especially you.

I have heard, as I am sure you have, people speak of ‘the transgender phenomenon’.

Well.

TRANSGENDER IS NOT A PHENOMENON!

What IS a phenomenon is the enormous upsurge in our public presence and presentation, especially in western countries. We’ve been having a HUGE coming out party for the past 10 – 15 years or so. I believe that in large part the internet has had much to do with that. Communication has and always will be the key. Maybe some of you are old enough to recall the old underground tabloid type papers with classifieds ads? That was about the only real communication between and amongst ourselves that was available at the time, not so many years ago.

We are of all races and ethnicities, all cultures, countries and societies. We come in all shapes and sizes. We come from all walks of life. We are an incredibly diverse community. And we are OUT! Out in the streets, out at work, out in the clubs and restaurants. We are OUT IN PUBLIC and not in the closet anymore!

In my work with The Transgender Project, we interviewed 600 male to female transgender women from the NYC metro area, and it was my great privilege to meet so many sisters that I am very certain I would never have met in a million years otherwise.

I suggest ‘never have met’ because we, as human beings, tend to stay in our social ‘comfort zones’. It’s basic human nature to do so—you socialize with people much like yourself, of your own age and background, in rather tightly circumscribed social settings, and we tend not to leave these social comfort zones—at least not very often. I was most fortunate to have been allowed to cross over many of these social boundaries, meet with various subgroups of transgender women from different economic, cultural, generational and ethnic backgrounds, and I was welcomed in all. I stand in absolute awe of our diversity, and I say again, what a truly great privilege the past few years have been for me to have met so many wonderful sisters and brothers.

I have met and gotten to know some transgender women who have PhD’s, and Masters degrees; and some with very little or almost no formal education at all. I have interviewed transgender women who are plumbers, professors, a NYPD detective, construction workers, accountants, musicians, lawyers, a major university president, a published author, a law professor, a West Point Cadet, and even one who is a monk.

I have met sisters who have transitioned successfully at home and in the workplace, and some who have lost everything– family, friends, and income as a result of their transition.

And I have also met with sisters who have never had a job, and in all probability may never be able to secure a steady a job, or a job at all for that matter, and are forced to engage in sex work, prostitution, as their only option to survival.

I have discussed and shared experiences with transgender women who have found support and acceptance from family, and others who have been both verbally and physically abused, and in some cases, sexually abused—usually followed by being expelled from the home altogether.

This is the next generation of our transgender sisters and brothers, I am talking about. These are our kids, our family, being thrown out of the home and placed in harms way in the streets—because they are different, because they didn’t meet their parent’s expectations of what a boy or girl is.

Let me take you back, a little bit.

There was one young girl, a transwoman. 20 years old as I recall. For reasons I’ll explain in a bit, let’s just call her Vanessa..

Vanessa was one of the sweetest, kindest girls I had ever met. She certainly had her own share of problems, yet was always concerned about others. She was about 5’2”, very slim and very attractive—some of us older women here would call her a natural. She found us one day, just showed up, she was not recruited.

While Vanessa was more of a lady than I, or many of us, can ever hope to be, she also had a dark side. She too, had been kicked out of her family’s home-because she was different. She had been living, quite literally, on the streets of NYC since she was 15. Anyone who really knows NYC is all too well aware that it can be a very hard and cruel place. She had left school because of all the constant and persistent harassment she got there.

She never had a watch. She never kept a calendar or date book. She had no phone—not even one of those pay as you go, disposable cell phones. She never had a permanent address or even a mailing address, yet she always showed up-on time-for her follow up interview appointments.

Somewhere in the years before I met her, she had been introduced to street drugs. She used them as a coping mechanism, in some sort of futile attempt to help relieve her sadness and depression. She had been using heroin for awhile before I met her. Vanessa would, from time to time, just come by the office very early in the morning, usually after being out, working the strolls all night I would always give her something to eat and find a place for her to take a ‘nap’. She was just that kind of person, one you never felt put upon by helping out. She was, in every sense of the word, a sweetheart.

One Friday, my research partner Monica asks me if I have seen Vanessa, as she is over due for her next appointment. We both decided that she would show up sooner or later, and sure enough, there she was, bright and very early the following Monday morning, with her wonderful little smile, but looking a bit worse for wear.

Seems Vanessa had just gotten out of Rikers that morning. She had done 60 days for boosting. I said, “Baby, judges take a very dim view of stealing shit”. Vanessa responded with her little smile and said, “Yeah, I found that out”.

We talked for a bit, I let her sleep for awhile. She told me she felt pretty good as she hadn’t done any drugs while in jail—which surprised me as many people tell me the BEST drugs are found in jail. But she had a little sparkle in her eyes, and they were clear, and I believed her. 60 days clean! We talked about the show she wanted to do, she was working on an act for the clubs that she was very excited about. She left me that Monday morning with a smile and big hug. She was on her way to meet someone else who was interested in getting this show running. I was happy for her, and most importantly, she was happy for herself. She had some real confidence in herself for a change. As a reminder, I gave her my business card with her next appointment and her study ID number, which is something I did for all the girls in the study.

Tuesday evening I got a call from the office; a N.Y.C. detective wanted to talk to me. I called the detective from home, and he explained that they had found a young transwoman dead in Morningside Park, and the only ID of any kind she had was my business card. He told me there was a date and number written on the card. I told him I didn’t keep any files at home as all our work was highly confidential, and could I call him in the morning from my office?

I got to the office at 7 the next morning, and immediately called the detective. He described the person and told me the number on the card. I scrolled down the list on the computer and ………..

Oh fuck.

I started to cry.

I suppose I ‘bent’ some of the rules of research confidentiality that day. I explained the complexity and extremely serious nature of research subject confidentiality to the detective, and that these rules apply even after death. I gave the detective her non-legal, ‘adopted name’ and told him that I thought her mother was alive, but I did not know where. We talked for some time, both of us dancing, verbal sparing, and tip-toeing around the issues of confidentiality. At some point, we both agreed that if he checked into recent prisoner releases at Riker’s Island, he may find some information there. He thanked me. He also said he was very sorry for my loss.

About 2, maybe 3 hours later the phone rings, it’s the detective again. Can I do him a favor? Could I go to the coroner’s office and ID the body?

What?

He explained that he had contacted Vanessa’s mother, but she was ‘too busy’ to drive to NYC from Phil. The only other family member in NY was a cousin, who told the detective, “I don’t want nothin’ to do with that little faggot.” I asked and the detective confirmed that that is what they had said, exactly.

“Too busy”, “that little faggot”

So, here I am, on my way to the coroner’s office. This was turning into an absolutely stellar day! When I saw Vanessa, I could clearly see that she had been punched, or hit with something, in the mouth. The coroner explained that she had been found in a ladies room at the park, and she had overdosed.

Vanessa had been beaten, and she ran to the only comfort and escape she had ever really known. Her drug accepted Vanessa for who she was, her family did not. “Too busy” “that little faggot” Because she was different.

For only a very few of us, being transgender has not been too calamitous an issue. But for many of us however, it’s a constant ‘life negotiation’, and sadly for others, being transgender makes life an ever-constant struggle for their very existence.

I am sure you will agree that public awareness of transgender people has never before in history been greater than it is right now. And yet how we are perceived by the vast majority of society, and even our own families, is all too far from the truth. And the family, seemingly, should be a persons most important support network We’ve been analyzed, pathologized, typologized, dichotomized, marginalized, stigmatized, trivialized, sensationalized, and even Jerry Springerized—and STILL people don’t get it.

How did this happen? Why can’t we just be accepted for who we are? Whose fault is this? Maybe our own? Maybe we should all go back and come out all over again, because it seems we really did a bad job of it, at least as far as societal perceptions are concerned.

Coming out – The Great Leap of Faith! For many of us, it’s that point in time where we say to ourselves, as I did, “I’m just too old to have to worry about what others may think. I have paid my dues!” Or, “I need to see where this takes me. I need to live my dream. I need to be true to myself.”

And we all go about our ‘coming out’ in many different, and often rather unique ways. Maybe you waited—until the safety of nightfall, of course—got yourself dressed to the nines in all your finest, and with all the courage you could muster, snuck out to the car and took a drive—in the dark. How bold of you! Hey, I know, I confess, I did it too. A baby step, but a step nonetheless.

Or maybe you located a transgender support group. You thought about going, but decided to wait for the next monthly meeting. And of course, after agonizing about, 3 or 4 months, or even 3 or 4 years, you finally went. Or maybe you heard about a club where a lot of ‘t-girls’ go and just sort of dropped in one night to check it out, all the while praying no one there would recognize you. Hey, I understand, I did all that myself!

And most of us take a few baby steps, testing the waters in many different ways, until we reach that point where hiding who we are is no longer an option. And you know full well you can’t wait for the next Halloween to role around, because that’s not really who you are and what you wear is no costume. And you know you MUST meet others like yourself. You NEED that validation and acceptance from your peers—‘because you’re not getting it anywhere else. And so, you finally push yourself out the closet door and get out into fresh air of disclosure.

I remember my coming out night. September 25, 1999. I was going to make it a real party! I found a makeup person who had worked with some other transwomen. I found a photographer who was sympathetic to the cause—because God knows we MUST have our pictures! It’s an unwritten law isn’t it? You can’t be transgender if you don’t have pictures?

At the salon I got dressed, got my nails and makeup done. I was so incredibly nervous, but I took a step outside to have a cigarette and I caught my reflection in the shop window. Hey, I look pretty good! And as I stood there in the cool, fresh air, I could quite literally feel the weight coming off my shoulders. All the years and weight of collected angst and guilt, the shame and embarrassment, the self doubt, were all leaving! I knew right then and there– I was where I was supposed to be and I was who I was meant to be. It was an awesome night! That was 10 years ago, and I’ve never looked back.

And so it was, I started up on the party circuit. Always meeting other transwomen, getting to know them, and of course, partying! Now don’t get me wrong, no one loves a good time more than I, but I soon realized that there was more, much more, to being a transgender person than going out and carrying on. After all, there’s a LOT of serious shopping that needs to be done. But seriously, I watched as other girls tried to go fulltime. Or come out at work, or even just come out to friends and family, and I saw so many who were having disastrous results. And as I expanded my social network, as I talked about earlier, I discovered our young transpeople, our transgender kids, and younger trans brothers and sisters. And certainly not to make light of anyone here who has had little or no acceptance for being transgender, and has faced scorn and abuse, let me just say that these kids have it many, many times worse.

These young ones I talk about; the kids like Vanessa– they are the ones who came out very early in life and went to live the dream. The dream of just being able to be who they really are, and they pay a heavy, heavy price. And not that we all don’t, regardless of age, but the effects on these young ones is most often devastating, and depression, major depression , soon becomes evident.

In the Transgender Project, we saw that 78.1% of us had reported transgender related psychological abuse and harassment, and 50.1% reported actual transgender related physical abuse at some point in their lives. And during adolescence, it’s the parents or other family members who are primarily responsible of delivering both these types of abuse.

Is it any wonder then, that in this study, The Transgender Project, the lifetime rate of major depression was 54.3%, which is THREE TIMES HIGHER than the corresponding estimate for the general population?

Is it any wonder then, that in this same group, suicide ideation was at 53.3%, again, THREE TIMES HIGHER than the rest of the nation? Half of us sitting here have thought about suicide as the answer!

And is it really a surprise when actual suicide plans and attempts measured at 35.0% in the younger half of this group, and 27.9% in the older half. And that my friends, is SEVEN TO TEN TIMES HIGHER than the National Comorbidity Survey estimates.

With no or precious little family or societal acceptance, and facing almost constant verbal and physical abuse, we are wasting ourselves-offing ourselves- cashing our own checks-killing ourselves– at a rate that is 7-10 times higher than the rest of our country!

And if we’re not killing ourselves, we are being beaten and murdered. And so many of our younger sisters are forced to prostitute themselves to survive, and homeless rates of transkids are sky high. And we see HIV+ rates at 48 and 49% in the Black and Latina transgender communities, respectively. And we all face discrimination every minute of everyday,

But what is really important, the key and vital issue, the burning question of the day, and all anyone can seriously worry about is— which bathroom am I’m going to use?

And so here we are. Out. Out at last! We are out in incredible numbers with more of us coming out all the time. And societal awareness of transgender has never in history been greater than it is right now, but the perceptions of us are ALL WRONG.

Earlier I asked if maybe this was our own fault and frankly, I think in large part perhaps it is.

When you consider just how many of us there are, all the thousands and thousands of transgender people out there, why is it only a relative handful are politically involved? Why is it only a very few of us actively try to correct the horrible, negative perceptions of non-transgender people?

And so where do we go from here? How can we, individually and collectively, begin to educate and demonstrate that we are not the bathroom predators, invaders, and sex monsters many see us as? Or the ‘for a good time, call’ party girls we are often seen as?

Let me toss out a few ideas here.

Our Community of Women
Our Breasts
Our Family of Transgender Kids

Our Community of Women:
We want to be women, or at least as much like women as we can be. Let’s take up some women’s issues.

We have all suffered some verbal abuse and many of us here have endured physical abuse as well. In almost every area of this country, there are women’s shelters for women who have also suffered physical abuse—abuse so bad they had to leave their homes, often with children in tow. These women and their children need help. Why not start up a food and clothing drive for them? We all have clothes we never wear, or you can collect them, and there are women and kids who need them desperately. It’s a good thing to do no matter who you are, but as a transgender person making this donation and taking the time and making the effort, its all the more memorable and notable. And if you really want to make a positive statement, notify the local papers. We make for great press and photo ops —let’s make it positive press for a change.

Our Breasts:

How many of you here are taking hormones? Breast cancer. Hey, we wanted them, we’re growing them, let’s take care of them. And let’s start to join in the numerous ‘walks’ to raise money for breast cancer research and cures. Avon Corp., for one, sponsors breast cancer marches all over the country. MARCH! And you can talk and teach while you are doing so. And don’t be surprised if you make a lot of new friends along the way.

Our Family of Transgender Kids:

This is very important. In most if not all of our home communities, is our alarmingly large population of homeless transgender kids-the Vanessa’s of our community. Many are unseen and unknown, and let me tell you, they are desperate for our help. In New York, where I am from, there is a shelter for homeless and runaway LGBT kids called Sylvia’s Place. It is ‘shelter’ in its most basic definition. Located in the basement of a storefront church in a horrible area of the city, as many as 40 kids gather in about 800 square feet and sleep on a concrete floor. There is one toilet. A single shower sometimes works as does this thing they call a stove. They eat whatever may be available, and hope for clothing donations for something to wear.

These are our kids I am talking about, our transgender kids. The next generation of transgender. My kids and yours. This is our family. We cannot and must not let our young brothers and sisters go by the wayside and left forgotten.

Over the past couple of years, I organized and promoted several food and clothing drives for the kids at Sylvia’s, but it wasn’t enough. So this past Christmas, I told my wife and family that I was going to make Christmas dinner for these kids and wouldn’t be home Christmas day. I just wanted to show these kids that someone cared.

Now, maybe my family was glad to have me gone for the day, I’m not sure, but I was really surprised by the positive reaction I got. Some in laws even made food donations! I coerced a few friends into helping and I started pre cooking and prepping what I could a few days before. My poor refrigerator!

Christmas morning I spent a few hours with the grandkids, opening presents and such, and then loaded up the car. I asked my wife one last time if she minded, and she said, “No, not at all. Don’t worry about it. Go feed those kids, it’s important.” And I kissed her goodbye for what turned out to be our last Christmas together.

Now, I’ve always fancied myself as a bit of a shrewd promoter. And I had been thinking about how I knew many transgender women who have had some measure of success in their lives, and who have transitioned and maintained jobs and some security in their lives. But many of these same otherwise successful women have been separated and estranged from their families, and here it is Christmas, and no matter what religious affiliation you may have, there is something about Christmas that makes it probably the single most important family day there is, the worst possible day to be alone, and here we are, fairly successful, mature, transgender women—and we have no where to go; no one to spend Christmas with.

Do you remember earlier I talked about ‘social comfort zones’; ‘expanding social circles’? Well, I decided to do some expanding. I invited my successful friends to come join me Christmas and meet and have dinner with the kids at the homeless shelter. I figured that this encounter would put a real face on the homeless transgender crisis, and the kids would get a chance to see that there CAN be a life for them other than prostitution and living on the streets. It was a pretty awesome sight! Transwomen, some 30 and even 40 years older than the kids, were sitting and talking with the kids, sharing their stories, their hopes and dreams. They talked about school, jobs, sex, hormones, partners, friends, families, and just about everything else you can think of. What we all had in common in our lives far outweighed any social or generational differences, and if just one of those kids set the bar a little higher for themselves that night, then the experiment was a success.

And so, the coming out party is over. Where do we go from here? Well, it seems we could certainly use a makeover—a public perception makeover. Right now in this country, laws are being passed that give us certain protections, and anti-discrimination laws are being adopted locally and statewide. But laws alone certainly do not change how we are seen and thought of by the public. And how do we change these perceptions? That will be up to us, you, me, and all transgender people everywhere. Because like it or not, be it right or wrong, we are judged everyday, in everything we do, and how we live our lives from this moment on:
How we live
How we love
How we help
How we give
How we nurture
These are the things that will change our neighbor’s hearts and minds and lead to the acceptance we all long for.

We must watch each others back and lift each other up Because if we don’t help each other, no one else will. And I really don’t want to make any more trips to the morgue.

It’s up to us.

“Go feed those kids; it’s important”

Keynote, Syracuse, NY 8/21/09

Keynote Address
“LGBT Stories: Reflections and Voices from Within”
Mona Rae Mason

Central New York Health Services Agency
Syracuse, NY
August 21, 2009

Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome. My name is Mona Rae Mason, and just for the record, I am not gender dysphoric, I am gender euphoric.

From 2004 through 2009, I had the great pleasure and privilege of working on The Transgender Project in NYC. Conducted by National Development and Research Institutes, the study known as The New York Transgender Project was funded by the NIH from an R-01 grant application titled ‘HIV/STI’s in a High Risk Urban Population: Male to Female Transgender’. Dr. Larry Nuttbrock was the principal investigator, with Drs.’ Walter Bocktking, Andrew Rosenblum, and Sel Hawang as co-investigators. Jeffrey Becker, Monica Macri, and I were the Research Associates on the project.

This was a longitudinal study. We implemented an adapted version of the Life Chart Interview as used in the National Comorbidity Study tailored for use specifically with male to female transgender persons. We recruited and interviewed almost 600 volunteer participants from the New York metro area, and by using the LCI, each of these transgender women was in effect telling us their individual life story. So, rather than just stand here and prattle on with a lot of fatuous twaddle about myself, let’s talk about these 600 transwomen.

I think the one thing that stands out to me the most is the transgender community’s diversity. I had always felt that we, transgender people, were pretty much ‘everywhere’, but we are EVERYWHERE. We come in all shapes and sizes and every color. We come from every country, society and culture. We are of all religious backgrounds and faiths, and all economic backgrounds. We self define our individual gender identities in countless ways, and live our lives and present ourselves in just as many ways. Transgender people are just as diverse, if not more so, as any other group of people. There are no one or two models of transgender that will fit us all or even the majority of us all, and those who try to categorize, typologize or dichotomize us are in for a very complicated and difficult time. There really are no finites when it comes to transgender.

I have met and gotten to know some transgender women who have PhD’s, and Masters degrees; and some with very little or almost no formal education at all. I have interviewed transgender women who are plumbers, professors, a NYPD detective, construction workers, accountants, musicians, lawyers, a major university president, a published author, a law professor, a West Point Cadet, and even one who is a monk. I have met sisters who have transitioned successfully at home and in the workplace, and some who have lost everything– family, friends, and income as a result of their transition.

And I have also met with my sisters, far too many sisters, who have never had a job, and engage in survival sex as their only option.

I have discussed and shared experiences with transgender women who have found support and acceptance from family, and others who have been both verbally and physically abused, and in some cases, sexually abused—usually followed by being expelled from the home altogether. I have laughed with some of these women, and cried with others.

For only a very few of us, being transgender has not been too calamitous an issue. But for many of us however, it’s a constant ‘life negotiation’, and still sadly for others, being transgender makes life an ever-constant struggle for their very existence.

I do not use the word existence lightly here. High rates of serious depression and suicidal ideation, difficulty in obtaining and maintaining employment, lack of shelter, and the absence of acceptance from family and society are just some of the reasons many transgender women find themselves in high risk situations for contracting HIV and other STI’s. Even the everyday tasks of life can often become major hurdles and roadblocks for many transgender persons who only want to lead a reasonably comfortable life. Something as simple as going to the local grocery can become a running of the gauntlet of verbal harassment and possible physical abuse. And why? Because we look ‘different’? Because we don’t fit neatly into an uncomplicated gender binary?
Imagine yourself in this situation. I imagine some of you here today have faced this yourselves?

The family, seemingly, is an individual’s first and primary support system. Rejection and rebuke, condemnation, verbal abuse and perhaps even physical abuse from ones family can be emotionally devastating, especially to the young. These young transgender women, expelled from the home or forced to leave, end up on the street, homeless and hungry. Cold and hunger drive people to do things they would otherwise never do. Sex work soon becomes the only means by which they can survive.

It comes as no news to anyone here in this room, that the greater the number of different sex partners one has, the greater one’s chance of contracting HIV or an STI become. But what may surprise you is that this condition of family initiated homelessness is primarily a cultural phenomenon predominate in the African American and Latina segments of the transgender community. This homeless situation, in conjunction with the inability to find employment and shelter, and relying on sex work for survival are some of the direct correlates to our findings that show us that 48.1% of African American and 49.6% of Latina transgender women in our study tested positive for HIV at baseline.

Forty-eight and forty-nine percent! Essentially, every other transgender woman of color that walked in my door was HIV positive at baseline.

So we, as service providers, must ask ourselves, what message aren’t we getting across to these women? Are they really listening to us, and if not, why not? These questions certainly do need to be asked, and the answers found, right now. Are we just talking about condoms, or do we ask about life choices? Or partner choices? Have we asked any of our young gay and transgender clients where they see themselves in 5 and 10 years? If you haven’t you should, because I can promise you not too many of them have thought about it.

And then, shouldn’t we also be asking what message is it that the PARENTS AND FAMILIES AREN’T GETTING? And how do we address this serious and dangerous problem? What do we do about these parents? The ones out there right now who will, in the coming months and years, be casting off their own children for no other reason than these kids are different; they didn’t meet their parent’s expectations. How do we teach them about our diversity? How do we change these long standing perceptions? These questions and issues also need to be, and must be, addressed – and obviously the sooner the better. But short of rounding up these parents and heading them off to re-education camps, where do we begin? In the churches? The PTA’s? The Rotary or Lions Clubs?
Maybe, just maybe, it’s up to each of us, individually and collectively, to get this education process started. Every day. Every night. On the streets and in the home.

Right now in this country, we hear of some school districts who have taken the lead in teaching sexual orientation and gender diversity education, and I know we all pray that this will lead to positive change in the coming years, but SOME schools are not enough! We need ALL schools, everywhere, to get on board. This is a great start for kids still in school, but what of our gay and transgender kids who have left or quit school? Are we asking them, or even pushing them, to get that GED so they might be able to get a job, or are we just handing them condoms and telling them to be safe? That is simply not enough.

Mental health. Depression. As you know, major depression very often leads to high risk behaviors. In the recently completed New York City Transgender Project, we saw that 78.1% reported psychological abuse and 50.1% reported physical abuse at some point in their lives. The perpetrators of both types of abuse were most often parents or other family members during adolescence, and strangers, neighbors or police during post-adolescence.

The rate of lifetime major depression in this study of male to female transgender persons was 54.3%. That is almost three times higher than the corresponding estimate for the general population.

Suicide ideation for this same group was at 53.3%, again three times higher than the general population.

Actual suicide plans and attempts, 35.0% in the younger group, and 27.9% in the older, are seven and 10 times higher than the NCS estimates. SEVEN to TEN times!

Serious depression, joblessness, homelessness, lack of acceptance, verbal and physical abuse. Marginalized, trivialized and sensationalized. Is it any wonder why this community is at high risk?

Many state and local governments have been passing laws that provide gender identity protections, and that is wonderful news, but laws by themselves are not the answer. Laws alone do not change public perceptions or attitudes. Changing the currently popular but sadly misinformed and shallow perceptions of transgender is what will bring about the most positive change. In the end, that will be up to us, the greater transgender community, to bring about this desperately needed change But I feel comfortable in saying that I speak for most transgender persons when I say, “We need and want your help”

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Generativity Within the Transgender Community

“GENERATIVITY WITHIN THE TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY”

Mona Rae Mason

Keynote Address, May 1, 2009
Transgender 2009-Liberty
Philadelphia, PA

Good afternoon everyone, and welcome to Transgender 2009-Liberty.

My name is Mona Rae Mason. Some of you here know me through my work with The Transgender Project. Others may have heard of my sometimes scandalous NYC party girl reputation. The Transgender Project may be over, but I think I have a few parties left in me.

There are some of you here today who I know that stepped up and participated in the baseline interview process for the TGP, and a few of you here who were randomly selected for the follow up interviews, which involved the sometimes arduous task of having to talk to me, face to face, every six months over 3 years.

For those who may not be aware of TGP, it was a 5 year, longitudinal study of the male to female transgender population of the greater NYC area, funded by the National Institutes of Health. A few of the topics we examined were mental health, verbal and physical abuse, hormone use, HIV/STI prevalence, job discrimination, family relationships, gender identity, sexual identity, and substance use among other topics. We also took a closer look at the concept of autogynephilia. Recently, some of the data collected from the baseline interviews was applied to the re-writing of the training manual for the NYPD Police Academy, and I was very proud to have been asked to participate in that process. We also have written and submitted, for journal publication, several papers relating to the data and have several more to write.

During the course of this study, we interviewed almost 600 male to female transgender women from all walks of life, and it was my great privilege to meet so many sisters that I am very certain I would never have met in a million years otherwise.

I suggest ‘never have met’ because we, as human beings, tend to stay in our social ‘comfort zones’. It’s basic human nature to do so—you socialize with people much like yourself, of your own age and background, in rather tightly circumscribed social settings, and we tend not to leave these social comfort zones—at least not very often. I was most fortunate to have been allowed to cross over many of these social boundaries, meet with various subgroups of transgender women from different economic, cultural, generational and ethnic backgrounds, and I was welcomed in all. I have laughed with some of you, and cried with others. I stand in awe of our great diversity, and I say again, what a truly great privilege the past few years have been for me.

Diversity? I have met and gotten to know some transgender women who have PhD’s, and Masters degrees; and some with very little or almost no formal education at all. I have interviewed transgender women who are plumbers, professors, a NYPD detective, construction workers, accountants, musicians, lawyers, a major university president, a published author, a law professor, a West Point Cadet, and even one who is a monk. I have met sisters who have transitioned successfully at home and in the workplace, and some who have lost everything– family, friends, and income as a result of their transition.

And I have also met with sisters who have never had a job, and engage in survival sex as their only option.

I have discussed and shared experiences with transgender women who have found support and acceptance from family, and others who have been both verbally and physically abused, and in some cases, sexually abused—usually followed by being expelled from the home altogether.

For a very few of us, being transgender has not been too calamitous an issue. But for many of us however, it’s a constant ‘life negotiation’, and sadly for others, being transgender makes life an ever-constant struggle for their very existence.

One of sentiments so many of these women confided to me that really stands out in my mind, was the expressing the desire to ‘give something back’ to the community. Many told me they were taking part in the interviews in the hopes that it would somehow help other transwomen. Early on in the TGP, I interviewed a woman whose life as a transgender person has been a total hell, and yet she told me she wants to give something back. A person who has not had known one minutes pleasure or enjoyment of being a transgender woman, and yet she wants to give something back, something to help those coming in the next generation of transgender women.

Helping others.
Giving something back.
Helping someone else avoid some of the pain and pitfalls of this life.
Sharing your experiences with those younger than yourself.

Generativity.

Generativity as defined by psychologist Erik Erikson is “primarily the interest in establishing and guiding the next generation”.

As the Transgender Project was coming to a close, we thought we’d like to give the participants a chance to ‘sound off a bit’, in their own words. Dr. Nuttbrock, the PI for the Transgender Project and I devised a few simple questions, with a ‘if I had to do it all over again’ theme, and selected participants, quite randomly, and asked them to take a few minutes to respond. The women were told they could write as much or as little as they liked. They could answer the questions ‘on the spot’ and we would record their comments, or they could write out their responses and thoughts. We even suggested that they could take the questions home and mail them back when they were finished. Some very informal, qualitative data, to be sure.

I think that it should be easy to understand, and I believe most professionals agree, that analyzing narrative responses in not exactly a fast and firm science and can be rather subjective. However, we had many very similar responses that really stood out and would be difficult to ignore.

The first question was actually in two parts:

1. “Let us assume, for now, that being transgender is a choice we make. If this is or were the case, and you could live your life over again, would you live your life as a transgendered person? Why or why not?”

My personal favorite response to the first part, which appears to be a predominant theme is: “Who in their right mind would choose to do (or be) something that makes them an outcast from the mainstream of society?”

Other responses were similar, and included the recurring terms such as physical abuse, having to hear the verbal abuse, harassment, living in fear, guilt, shame, separation from family, etc..

The majority of responses however, indicated directly that YES, they would indeed live their over again as a transgendered person, despite the many negative experiences in their lifetime.

What I found very interesting from a generational stand point is that when I divided the respondents into two groups, those 40+ years of age and those 39 and under, 78 % of the older group said yes, while only 59 % of the younger group said they would live their lives again as a transgender person if being transgender was a choice.

Of course the second part was, “Now let us assume that being transgendered is not a choice. If you could live your life over again, what things, if any, might you change or do differently”

The overwhelming responses to the second part—what would you do differently?–
Come out earlier—when I was younger
Start transition earlier– when I was younger
Begin hormones earlier– when I was younger

But the one question we asked where I felt the responses were most interesting was:

“The Next Generation—is there anything you might offer as advice to transpeople younger than yourself?”

23% stressed the importance of getting an education and getting a good job
45% specifically stated “be true to yourself”
And a full 70% urged getting support and sound advice.
SUPPORT and ADVICE
GIVING SOMETHING BACK
Generativity – “establishing and guiding the next generation”

Generativity—it’s in you, at least 70% of you anyway. You WANT to help others like yourself. You WANT to share your experiences with the next generation.

Various surveys by numerous agencies in most large cities suggest that 40% and more of all homeless youth identify as Transgender, Gay or Lesbian. One in NYC suggests as many as 60%. And that equates to over 10, 000 LGBT kids out there, just in NYC, who have either been thrown out of their homes by their own parents, or the family situation was so bad they were forced to leave. Drawn to the narcotic glow of the neon lights, they head to a big city to ‘live the dream’ of just being able to be who they really are, and to find others like themselves—social comfort zones. They arrive with little more than the clothes on their back and way too few dollars in their pockets. They seek out peers, people like themselves, but the problem here is that this new social circle is all kids in the same situation.

Imagine you are 15, 16 or 17. No money, no family, big city, its’ cold, and you are hungry and no place to go. Hunger and cold drives people to do things they would normally never do. Prostitution very quickly becomes the means by which these young people survive. I guarantee you that no one wakes up one day and says ‘When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute” And when the epiphany strikes and the realization of having to have sex with some fat ugly bastard in order to eat hits home, any self esteem that may be left goes right out the window and depression—serious depression sets in. And of course, when you are down you want to get high—here come the drugs. It’s a horrible, vicious cycle that is played out again and again.

Living the dream?

Do you think these kids could use someone to talk to—maybe someone to just listen?

Or how about the young transperson in the suburbs or a rural area? Sitting very much alone and trying to figure out who she is? No one to talk to about how she sees herself, no one to listen. Where does she go? Who would understand? What can she do and how can she possibly think well of herself while hiding this secret she keeps deep inside? Confused and lonely, most likely feeling only shame and guilt.

Think she might appreciate a friend? A little advice? Maybe just the tiniest bit of affirmation? Didn’t YOU wish there was someone YOU could have talked to?

So, what can you do? What can you do to give something back? How do you to share your life’s experiences? Start a blog?

No. What I think needs to be done requires actually getting up from your desk or table, away from your computer and getting involved! In person, face to face. EXPAND YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE! It’s not always easy, in fact it’s tough. But we are transgender and we are tough. Look what YOU have gone through already in your lives. Being transgender is not for sissies. We have been there and we have learned and now it is time to help and teach and share with those younger than us, if for no other reason than it is quite simply the right thing to do.

Something as simple as helping a kid write that first resume, or advising her what to wear to that first job interview. Or maybe explaining why getting that GED is so important. We have teachers among us—why not TEACH a GED class? In most states all you need is a bachelors’ degree. Or tutor! Or talk to a kid about her substance abuse problem. Explain the risks, in detail, of unprotected sex. Talk about how you came out. It means SO MUCH more coming from you than a social worker. Be a peer—be a mentor—or just be a friend. Step up. Let that young person know that someone does indeed care.

Today in every major city and many smaller ones, there is something akin to a LGBT Center. Maybe it’s the local library or church. Maybe there are meetings or get-togethers once a week or once a month. ATTEND! If there isn’t one, START ONE!

Unitarian Churches and MCC churches are usually a good place to find free or inexpensive meeting space.
This is the next generation of transgender we are talking about. These are OUR kids—yours and mine. They have no one to look to except us.

I think we all realize that in the general population, awareness of transgender has never been greater than it is right now, yet how we are still perceived and what people think they know about us is far removed from the reality.

What are we going to leave as our legacy?

Right now, THIS is our time. Let’s use it wisely.

“to leave the world a bit better……….to know even one life breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded.” Emerson

Defining Our Community–my 1st attempt

This is a talk I gave at a transgender conference a few years ago. It was my first attempt at public speaking/speech making, and it makes a great little test for my first shot at a serious blog.
***********************************************************************
DEFINING OUR COMMUNITY

Mona Rae Mason

Field Coordinator,
The Transgender Project
National Development and Research Institutes, Inc.
New York, NY

*

April 6, 2006
International Foundation for Gender Education
20th Annual Conference
Philadelphia, PA
***************************************************
Transvestite

Crossdresser

Transsexual

Pre Op Transsexual

Post Op Transsexual

Non Op Transsexual

Part Time

Full Time

Transgender

Bi-Gendered

Omni-Gendered

Liminal Gendered

Pan Gendered

Gender Variant

Gender Fluid

Gender Migrator

Butch Queen

Femme

Femme Male

Femme Queen

Butch Queen Up in Drags

Male to Female

Female to Male

Female to Female

Male to Male

Trans Lesbian

Transbian

Trannie

T-Girl

Transdyke

Two Spirit

Third Gendered

Intergendered

Gender Queer

Gender Bender

Gender Fuck

Out

Closeted

Transgenderist

Transwoman

Transman

Gender Dysphoric

Gender Euphoric

Gender Inverted

Woman

Man

Male

Female

Poly Gendered

Passing

Non Passing

Androgyne

Intersexed

Autogynephillic

Gender Emerging

Gender Dualist

Bio Man

Bio Woman

Differently Gendered

Gender Questioning

Gender Curious

Over Dresser

Gender Evolving

Conceptually Gendered

Hormonally Challenged

Homosexual Transsexual

That’s more than 60 to get us started.

I’m sure we can add more as we go, because it seems that while we all hold to a
common thread within our community, many of us see ourselves, and choose to identify
ourselves, differently. And why? We are, after all, each individuals in our own right.
While all of us here share similar characteristics, we are all individual characters.
However, how we see ourselves with regards to our own, individual gender identities is the way we try to describe ourselves to others within our community, and particularly to those people who are only aware of, or will only accept, a binary gender system. Even our own self-descriptors are based on the binary gender system; this dichotomy is difficult to explain away to most people. But is there really such a thing as ‘binary gender’? The term ‘trans’ indicates variations of the binary norm, which in turn leads to that age old question, what is normal?

WHY EXPLAIN OR DEFINE OURSELVES?

Why indeed? We certainly don’t have to. But we should. In light of all that is going on around us, politically and socially, and to those who are trying to understand, and perhaps most importantly to those who don’t want or refuse to understand, maybe we should all attempt to describe our individual gender identities and feelings; our perceptions of ourselves. We are after all, each our own very unique individuals. While there is commonality in the Transgender community, our own cultural, regional, and generational differences can and do confuse even those of us who have studied in great depth and detail, our community and even ourselves. And to each and every one of us, our individual identity is a very personal thing. To some of us, transgender is a lifestyle, to others, transgender is a life. Our diversity is incredible and it should at the very least, be accepted, even if not fully understood by all.

As the laws concerning the rights of transgender persons change or are created and adopted, isn’t it our responsibility to demonstrate the diversity within our community and to educate those outside of the Transgender community that we are indeed otherwise reasonably normal, boring, folks—just like most everyone else in the world –and not what they see on some of the sensational TV talk shows? I am not suggesting we have to explain ourselves, but rather help those outside our community to understand through discussion and education what we are all about. Just because the law may say we CAN use the bathroom consistent with our gender identity / expression, isn’t it better for everyone in there to be comfortable as opposed to just obeying the law? It’s basic human nature to be uncomfortable with new and unfamiliar things, concepts, and people. I see this as the point where we best serve ourselves through identification and education. Don’t forget, almost everyone at some point in their life has grappled with their own personal sexuality and gender issues. There is a basis for many people to want to learn and understand.

“Bringing individuals together under a common label is not without consequences”
Gianna E. Isreal
Transgender Care, 1997

In the preceding list of identification terms, how many did you understand? I’m sure there were at least a few that you have never heard of. How many of these terms do you think someone from outside our community would understand? These terms came from many sources–mostly ourselves–but they demonstrate to a very small degree the cultural, regional and generational differences between us. I am sure we would all have many different definitions for most of the terms. As almost all are popular terms, or slang, if you will, how do we use these terms to accurately identify ourselves? And how do we help those outside our community understand?

In this room right now, I am sure we could get several different interpretations and definitions of the very term ‘transgender’ itself. The term means different things to different people. The term ‘transsexual’ for example; pre-op, post-op, non-op. Is a person who has been through his or her surgeries really any more transsexual or transgendered than a person who has had no surgical procedures? Is a persons degree of transsexualism determined by physical or mental characteristics? Is the degree of a persons’ transsexualism determined by financial ability to pay for surgery? Is the trans-man or woman who can only appear periodically in their preferred, public, gender expression due to fear of loss of income or family, really any less a ‘trans-person’ than one who has had the opportunity and ability (and determination) to transition to completion? If we agree to use the term ‘Transgender’ for all our many variations of gender, then I see where there are no degrees or levels of ‘trans’, rather we stand at different points on the plane of gender, a continuum of gender. We’re all singing the same song– some of us are singing in different keys. So just how do we make the general population understand and accept all this?

” It is not so much that there have always been transgendered people; it’s that there have always been cultures that imposed regimes of gender”

Riki Wilchins
Read My Lips, 1997

Transgenderism is certainly not a new phenomenon. Trans or cross-gendered people who have lived differently than the sex they were born to and outside the social roles that were expected of them have been well documented throughout history. Transgenderism is not a new psychological or medical ‘condition’. Socially and politically, there has never been a time of more awareness of transgender than now, at least in Western civilization, and in spite of this new awareness, we find ourselves in a struggle for our civil rights. You wouldn’t think such a struggle should be necessary, but apparently it is. Many of us have lost our jobs, or can’t find one. Many of us face verbal and even physical abuse every day.

Why? Because we are different. We look different. Remember, it is basic human nature to be suspect of, or even fear that which is new and different. Yes, we have been around forever, but our community has had this HUGE coming out party over the last 10 years or so, an ‘open house’ party, and we left the closet door open—maybe we should have tidied it up a bit first! People are starting to look inside that open closet. To them, it must be like an old comedy where the unsuspecting hero opens the closet door only to be buried in an avalanche of golf clubs, boxes, bowling balls, etc. Our ‘closet’ buries even the well- intentioned visitor and student of transgender in an avalanche of terms and self-identification labels that even many of us don’t often understand, and then we pile on the psychological, medical and clinical terms just for good measure. For most people, it’s certainly much easier to walk away from this mess, rather than even begin to attempt to pick it all up and neatly organize all this information—their level of willingness to learn and accept has just dropped a few points! It’s little wonder the general public has a difficult time with us. People like simple. Simple is easy. Gender A, Gender B. We come along and add X,Y.Z. We make it complicated for them. And just when they DO start to get it, we give them the bonus plan—our various sexual orientations! The variables are adding up! I imagine many people would find understanding the tax codes easier than figuring out the complexities of gender.

The first step to acceptance is understanding. The first step to understanding is education. Defining ourselves is key to both. Yes, the laws are changing, slowly, in our favor. But social acceptance is another thing all together.

In the past few weeks, we saw that a 70 year old transwoman was arrested for using a public women’s rest room at her job location. Lawyers were involved, a protest rally was held and he Press was called in. This incident has been dealt with to her satisfaction, but would all of this have been necessary in the first place if there had been the least bit of understanding on the arresting officer’s part?

A substitute school teacher in NJ took some time off from her job to have her SRS/GRS surgeries. She had notified the school board ahead of time of the situation. Shortly before her return to work, a ‘concerned’ parent took out a full page add in the local newspaper ‘advising’ other parents of this situation. I’m sure this parent was genuinely, sincerely concerned, perhaps even a bit fearful but his concern and fear came from a lack of education and understanding of the situation. He had ill-informed, pre-conceived notions of ‘transsexual’.

Would either of these incidents been necessary had there been some accurate education available? No, of course not. Even in light of new trans-favorable laws, shouldn’t WE be at the forefront of the education process? Aren’t we, the Transgender community ultimately responsible? There are many therapists, counselors, and clinicians who genuinely want to help, but they require accurate information from us to do so. As a community, isn’t it up to us to guide them to effectively help those of us who may seek their care?

The late Sylvia Rivera said, “We are our own future.” I suppose this statement holds true for any given group, but as the world we find our Transgender community in changes, I think that our finding ways to define ourselves and our community are of primary importance. This is our time—let’s use it wisely.